Stoner Grandpa's Proverbs Vol 1

Grandpa's Proverbs Vol. I

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Grandpa’s Proverbs: Stoic Stoner Edition

Some folks inherit fine china or family Bibles. Others inherit sayings that cut through bullshit faster than a razor. Here are a few from the Grandpa School of Philosophy — Stoic Stoner approved.

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1. “Don’t know whether to shit or go blind?”
“Well, close one eye and fart.”
👉 Lesson: When life gives you dumb choices, pick the funniest one. Style is survival.

2. Murphy’s Law
“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”
👉 Lesson: Don’t curse the chaos — pack a backup lighter.

3. Hanlon’s Razor
“Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity.”
👉 Lesson: Most enemies are just idiots on autopilot. Don’t waste your rage.

4. Grandpa’s Rule of Tools
“Use the right tool for the job — unless the job is stubborn, then use a bigger hammer.”
👉 Lesson: Sometimes persistence looks like force. Know when to swing.

5. The Porch Clock
“You can’t rush the sun setting, but you also can’t stop it.”
👉 Lesson: Relax. The universe runs on its own schedule, not yours.

6. The Law of Leftovers
“If you eat it cold out of the fridge, it still counts as dinner.”
👉 Lesson: Don’t overcomplicate survival. Simple solutions keep you fed.

7. The Law of Farts
“Better to let it out and feel the relief than hold it in and look miserable.”
👉 Lesson: Truth works the same way. Don’t bottle it up — release it.

8. Ginsberg’s Theorem
“You can’t win. You can’t break even. You can’t quit the game.”
👉 Lesson: Life’s a casino with no exit. So laugh and play your hand.

9. The Law of Delay
“If you put it off long enough, it might fix itself.”
👉 Lesson: Sometimes doing nothing is doing something.

10. Grandpa’s Final Word
“You’ll be remembered more for how you laughed than how you worried.”
👉 Lesson: Legacy lives in humor, not stress.

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