Jeff Foxwothy Meets Marcus Aurelius

 

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🧘‍♂️ You Might Be a Stoic If…

by The Stoic Stoner

So… you’ve been meditating, reflecting on virtue, and trying not to flip out when someone cuts you off in traffic? You might be a Stoic. But just to be sure, here’s a handy checklist:

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🪨 You Might Be a Stoic If...

• You pause before reacting to someone’s drama... and instead analyze your own role in it.
  (Bonus points if you internally whispered, “Is this within my control?”)

• Your therapist asked why you don’t express more emotion... and you handed them a copy of Meditations.

• You’ve ever looked at your bank account and said, “Wealth is indifferent. Virtue is enough.”
  (Right before eating beans and rice again.)

• You’ve practiced your own funeral speech… just in case.
  (Memento mori, baby.)

• You get insulted, and instead of clapping back, you think, “This says more about them than me.”
  (Then you sip your tea like the sage you are.)

• You hear someone say, “Just be yourself!” and you think, “Which part of myself aligns with nature and reason?”

• You journal not because you’re dramatic—but because you’re preparing for tomorrow’s emotional apocalypse.

• Your idea of a wild Friday night is pondering the impermanence of all things… while lighting incense.

• You’ve ever said, “Let fate decide”—but meant it seriously, not in a ‘flip a coin’ kind of way.

• You’ve unfollowed someone not because they were annoying—but because they stirred your passions.
  (Stoic version of digital detox.)

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🌀 Bonus Round: The Stoic Stoner Edition

• You smoke to detach, not escape.
  (“This joint helps me focus on what truly matters, like breathing and not yelling at customer service.”)

• You talk to your houseplant about the nature of desire… and it seems to be listening.

• You’ve philosophized so deeply during a high that you wrote a scroll on a Taco Bell napkin.

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🏛️ Final Thought

If any of these hit too close to home — congratulations. You’re probably walking the Stoic path… or at least stumbling in the right direction. And if not?

That’s okay too. It’s not about the title.
It’s about practicing virtue, showing resilience, and remembering that you don’t control what happens — only how you respond.

Now go forth. Practice temperance.
And maybe don’t eat the entire bag of chips.